Do you find yourself constantly fighting with your partner about money? It’s a frustrating thing, because it seems so petty and unimportant compared to our romantic vision of what love is supposed to be. But the fact is that money is important.
It is how we make it from point A to point B in life, how we are able to have a roof over our heads and a decent car to get to work, not to mention fulfilling dreams like travelling the world. Of course we fight about money!
How you spend, or don’t spend, your money should reflect your priorities. And when our partner’s use of money is different from what we anticipated, we feel that our priorities aren’t the same. Suddenly the whole relationship seems unstable. If you’re looking for peace and connection instead of a battleground, get started with the tips below.
Get Your Spending in Line With Your Priorities
Think about the root of your arguments with your partner. Usually one partner wants to spend more money than the other and this leads to a standoff or a fight. No matter which side of the debate you’re on, make sure your spending or saving desires are in line with what you want in life. So if you are aching to save up money for a house, you shouldn’t be blowing a wad of cash every week on drinks or fashion.
On the other hand, if you’re doing well financially, there is no reason to jump on your partner for spending a little to do something they enjoy. You and your partner should be a team, working towards mutual goals and having fun along the way, not sabotaging yourselves or each other out of spite or resentment.
Talk Before You Spend
If you’re thinking about heading out on a shopping trip with your sister or a golf outing with your buddies, mention it casually at home before you go. The simple act of keeping your partner in the loop will keep them from feeling blindsided. If they balk at the idea, you’ll have a chance to discuss why the activity in question is important to you, making for a calmer discussion. Together you may be able to brainstorm some money saving ideas so you can do what you enjoy and they don’t feel you’ve ignored your agreed budgeting restrictions.
Agree to a Spending Limit
Every couple, no matter what their income level, should have a spending limit. This is a specific dollar amount that neither partner can surpass without consulting the other. It could be one hundred dollars, fifty, or a thousand. If money is tight, that number may very well be zero: every purchase needs to be discussed! The dollar amount you choose doesn’t matter, it’s the clear communication that counts.
Don’t Play Cops and Robbers
One of you shouldn’t be the Spending Police, burdened with the responsibility of watching every penny that comes in and goes out, while the other is the Thief, sneaking a pricey lunch here and a new toy there. That relationship dynamic is unhealthy and dishonest. Money saving ideas and activities should belong to both of you. If you realize that those are you roles you and your partner have been playing, have an honest conversation to clear the air. Then, both of you resolve to change your ways. It will take time, but achieving a healthy balance of power will be well worth it.
Have His, Hers, and Ours Bank Accounts
Some couples find that having three bank accounts works best. All money earned goes into the joint account and bills are paid from this account. Then a specific amount is transferred into each of the individual accounts, to be spent how that person pleases. If you decide to use this system, remember that you’re not allowed to criticize how your partner chooses to spend their fun money!
The common thread of all these tips is having respect for your partner and communicating clearly with them. Once you get into the habit of solid, healthy communication about your finances, you’ll find your fights disappearing and you’ll have a teammate and friend instead of a competitor. That is certainly a goal worth working towards.
About the author: This article is by Sabrina Matheson, a staff writer at HealthInsuranceComparison.com.au and FrugalLiving.com.au as well as several other popular personal finance blogs.
Credits: Photo courtesy of Ed Yourdon.