As humans, it’s our nature to covet the things that we don’t have. This is true for material possessions, of course, but some of the deepest longings we have are for good relationships. This is certainly true when it comes to marriage.
It’s the easiest thing in the world to look at a neighbor’s happy, healthy marriage and want what they have – especially if our own marriage has become a bit stagnant.
But it’s important to remember that our neighbor’s happy marriage did not come about by accident. He or she likely worked very hard at it, along with his or her spouse. And that’s ultimately good news. If good marriages come about through hard work, then there’s plenty of hope for you and me.
Of course, sustaining a healthy marriage, complete with a passionate intimate life, is easier said than done. But there are some pragmatic steps that any of us can take. Christian married couples, in particular, can follow the steps below and watch how they lead to a healthier (and more sexually fulfilling) married life.
1 – It might prove most helpful to begin with the right perspective. Your marriage should be spouse-centric. The marriage relationship is the most important earthly, temporal relationship we have – so why do so many of us choose to put it in the backseat, and essentially let our kids run our marriages? Remember that your spouse comes first – yes, even above the children!
2 – Time together is vital – and that means time alone, away from the kids and away from household chores. As cliché as it may seem, having a weekly date night really can go a long way.
3 – Here’s one that comes with a Scriptural model. Throughout the Bible, God tells His people to set aside certain days in celebration or in remembrance. That’s a practice that works well in marriage, too. Remember days that are special to your marriage, and celebrate them together.
4 – Remember to honor your spouse. This is especially true in the way you speak. Don’t run down your spouse, but instead choose words that esteem them.
5 – Here’s a tip that takes us into the realm of intimacy. It’s important that you and your spouse have agreed-upon standards of purity. This might involve things you agree upon in order to keep both of you from sexual sin or temptation. Sit down and talk about these standards, and what they might look like in your own marriage.
6 – Generally, it’s best not to make your marriage into a competition, but here’s one deviation from that rule – make your marriage a needs-meeting competition! That is, be intentional and work hard to satisfy your partner sexually. Don’t let him or her feel neglected, but rather make it a priority to see his or her needs met.
7 – Here’s the toughest one: Soldier through those “quitting points.” Every marriage has moments where you just feel like throwing up your hands and giving up. But don’t let it happen. Commit to push through these moments, and not to base your marriage just on feelings.
Are these principles going to come easy, or give you a marriage that’s bereft of trouble? Of course not. But these are principles that are tried and true, and sure to set you on the right path for a marriage that’s satisfying, and ultimately God-honoring.
About the author: This article was contributed by Dallas Pastor Ed Young. For more information about Ed Young, visit his Wikipedia page.
Credits: Photo courtesy of Roger Kirby.